I Think I married the Wrong Person – Safety Concerns

A guest post by Heidi Dennis


So, you’re wondering if you married the wrong person.  In previous posts, we talked about various reasons why someone may feel like they married the wrong person. Some of these include doubts, difficult seasons, personality differences (aka “It would be SO much easier with someone else”), and even science.  In all of these instances, we talked about a different perspective of each of these.  

There are, however, certain situations in which you might question whether or not you married the wrong person.  Bare with me.  I am a HUGE fan of marriage.  I think it is one of God’s tools that He uses to mold us and blend us into more well rounded balanced human beings.  Marriage CERTAINLY has a way of rubbing off your rough edges.  Yet, while God uses marriage as a way to mold us, He never intends it as a tool to hurt us.

This brings me to my first point.  If you are in an abusive marriage, that is NOT a tool that God uses to refine us.  His heart is never to hurt us.  I know that there is a lot of stigma in the church about divorce, however our God is not one to call you to stay in a marriage where you are not physically safe in order to “honor the sanctity of marriage”.  

A second area where you might question whether or not you married the wrong person is in the case of repeat infidelity.  I only say “repeat” infidelity because I have seen marriages in my counseling office be rebuilt stronger than ever before after infidelity (even repeat infidelity).  This happens ONLY when both partners are fully invested in making it work and fixing that which was broken.  There is a difference between someone who continues in the same pattern of infidelity with no effort to change it and someone who acknowledges their mistakes and works hard to make a change.  Along side of the change happening, forgiveness is also a key factor in order to move forward.  Work on both sides can bring amazing reconciliation- but it DOES require both sides to be actively working towards this goal.  You can’t do the work for both of you (and vice versa). 

Again, please know that there is NO judgement coming from me no matter where you land on any of these topics.  My heart is for you.  More importantly, God’s heart is for you and not against you.  He truly doesn’t want to hurt you.  If you are in a place after reading these posts where you are still wondering whether you married the wrong person, PLEASE don’t hesitate to reach out for help- ESPECIALLY if you are dealing with some of the issues that we discussed in this post.  There are a lot of amazing counselors out there to help you.  

And, please know, that in spite of any doubts, insecurities, or tough seasons you may be going through in your marriage, God is sovereign and bigger than all of it.  His love for you is bigger than any doubt or season you face.  He can redeem even the most broken marriages.

Has anything in particular jumped out at you in this blog series?  Are there any other topics that you would like to hear more about?  I would love to hear your thoughts below or join the conversation at https://m.facebook.com/heidid831/

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